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if you are not 18 or older, get out. this place is not for you.
adults, this page is a place for me to discuss my relationship with sexuality. hard kink and paraphilias will come up - the paraphilias of which i am anti contact. if these make you uncomfortable, please leave.
this section of the site is for my thoughts. mostly about sexual topics but less with the idea of horniness and getting off and more just thinking really hard about it - perhaps analyzing my urges and why i have them, analyzing other people, things like that. i'll also probably talk about other things here, as i don't really want to limit myself in any way.

05/29/2025 - i have actually meant to update this several times over the past few weeks but i was REALLY struggling to figure out how to word my emotions. firstly, me and my baby have been getting VERY into ageplay and i really didn't think it would make me feel as much better as it did. i really enjoy the intense sort of power that it allows me in the scene with him, and just. god. who knew i'd get this horny over being called dad. i really really do like it. i think it also makes me feel a lot more comfortable since i never really told him about my enjoyment for dad/daughter sorts of scenes before now, and i feel since its such a new thing to the both of us it allows a lot more freedom in how we play with one another. i really do enjoy it. with the topic of kink, this is just a little funny to me but i never imagined petplay would be the driving force for me to actively learn choctaw. i already knew the basics and quite a few words but i have always really struggled to conjugate scentences and all that so i would only ever use it within text, but now i'm practicing it basically every night with the intent of learning commands and such. its fun.
in addition i have also become. Really really autistic over Made In Abyss. i usually never get this into anime but oh my goddd the worldbuilding is so cool. i love the animation style of the monsters and i love the lore and I REALLY LOVE NANACHI! i havent been this insane over a character in a very very long time but ohhh my god i love nanachi. i'm currently writing a fic involving her and bondrewd getting freaky because i couldn't help myself she's so fun to think about. ough. my god. i love her. she makes me feel things.

05/06/2025 - good god. i haven't had a chance to update this in a good long while but by jove . ive been going through it. my darling laptop, monster, broke down :(. ive had to purchase a new one who ive named unicorn and she's very wonderful don't get me wrong! i just had an extremely close relationship to that beast. i do badly miss her but she will be tucked away in my dresser until the day im able to finally repair her, but unfortunately said repairs would have costed so much more than just getting a new puter. i am very happy with how unicorn is working thus far but im still awful sad about it.
anyhow! besides my deteriorating mental state im trying to write more now that ive got unicorn to properly do so. i will attach a little excerpt of my latest bit, from my zombie apocalypse story called "Orchard of Flies", following a woman slowly turning after being bitten. i love zombies. ah, and, this may be more along the lines of a vent but its my site i can do what i want. nevermind, i wrote it all out and its definitely better suited for vent. too heavy and will overshadow the joy that zombies bring
the excerpt - "“Delaney?” She speaks. She whispers. Or maybe she doesn’t, and maybe she’s said nothing at all. Delaney’s breaths come labored, heavy, each inhale dragging against the inside of her throat. It would hurt, if she could remember what hurt felt like. Her arm aches, but it doesn’t. The bite burns, but it doesn’t. She flinches at Maisie’s touch, but she doesn’t know why.
Delaney wants to hurt Maisie. Pretty, pretty Maisie. Maisie Daisy. How she would love to sink her teeth into her once pristine flesh - marred now by dirt and blood and muck helping Delaney, helping her friends. So selfless, Maisie. How I want to eat you up, Maisie."

03/08/2025 - really beautiful new zombie game about to come out called into the dead and i'm so very happy about it. it takes place in texas in the 1980's and its a sidescroller survival it looks so fun i love zombies so fucking much im gonna lose my mind. as a whole i just love zombie games placed in the south but i mean. home state always makes it better... and in the 80s im in heaven jesus lord. idk what it is about zombie settings but i always enjoy them a lot more when they take place from 70s-2010s. though anything past 2000 is only because the last of us is an exception to my enjoyment of old shit ... the apocalypse having been going on so long lends to that aspect i think. in general its just fun to think about it happening before y2k just bc of the rampant nationalism and spread of more people south having guns from distrust in the government. its just so fun im . going insane. i love zombies and i love thinking about the impacts an apocalypse would have on each era of usa culture (though the girl with all the gifts has warmed me up to the id of a uk apocalypse ... im simply too unfamiliar with the area to be able to imagine it well enough i fear). anyway im def putting into the dead on my wishlist now bc its only got a demo out thus far - and i sorely hope they add more story aspect than they currently have - but i REALLY want to buy it when it comes out. my zomb urges
i was debating on whether or not i should post this here or on my "main" site but i fear i'm growing to like this one a lot more than that one - and i dont wanna get too personal on this site outside of the nsfw shit but like . idk my main isnt even finished. and its more meant to keep up appearances and have people understand who i am rather than be an actual personal site like this one is. idk. i just wanna talk about zombies in peace without thinking too hard over whether this is the right zombie posting location or not. yeah. thats all.